HOPE
by TheEscapedCharacter
Summary: Being someone's only HOPE is exhausting. Papyrus manages the best he can.


**I am horrible. I'm so sorry.**

 **Yes, I should be updating Untrue Resets, but I had a burst of Papyrus feels and I couldn't fit them all in Chapter Eleven. (hey, we've all been there, right?) So here you are, total angst and fluff and feels in a nice little plotless wandering package, ready for you to sob your heart out. I am so horrible. Wow. I'm so sorry, guys.**

 **This deals with the headcanon that HP means HOPE. Heads-up, this will referenced a lot.**

 **To make things clear, the narrator is Papyrus. This is in no way a reader-insert. just second person because that makes it sadder.**

 **I don't own Undertale. Toby Fox does. I also took a phrase from zarla on Deviantart. If anyone has a problem with that, I will remove it, but it just really got me and I wanted to share it.**

 **Here goes.**

* * *

Being someone's only hope is exhausting.

You know this better than anyone. After all, every morning, your brother wakes up with that vacant look, defeated by the _{funny, you could've sworn you remembered something, but it's probably not important}_

He turns to you, then, and you try to be as happy as possible, as extravagant and innocent and yeah, you're a _little_ narcissistic, but it's all for him, you would explain patiently to anyone accusing you of such.

You _know_ how much your brother clings onto you, holds onto you so tightly that it feels like your bones are cracking beneath his grip, but that's okay. You run around in the costume he made you not only because it's amazing, but also because it makes him, your wonderful little brother, it makes _Sans_ smile when you NYEH-HEH-HEH and call yourself the Great Papyrus, because one of you has be confident. It's not going to be him, your tiny little brother who hides inside an oversized hoodie and hangs out at a dank pub. It helps him, you know, to help you. Encouraging you helps you both, but each time makes your metaphorical heart break a little more because he's telling you you're everything he thinks he can never be.

So you NYEH-HEH and you grin, and you stay _The Great Papyrus_ because Sans is counting on you. And you will never, ever let him down. Your little brother has given up too much already.

Because Sans only has one HP.

He has one HP, one HOPE, and you know it's you. It terrifies you, sometimes, knowing that you're the only thing that's keeping him alive, that if you were to dust, he would join you without hesitation. The responsibility crushes you.

You embrace it. Sans needs you. And honestly, you need Sans. Your brother is your best friend, and you're his. He's your little brother, your amazing little brother, and you have to keep him, he's your responsibility now. All yours. That one HP proves it. You're the only reason he's alive, and you need him. Maybe even more than he needs you.

It's hard, when you wake up in the middle of the night to Sans' screams, running down the hall to calm another panic attack, and sometimes you feel like you should ignore it, but that's not right, because Sans is counting on you. Sans is counting on you, and you're his last hope, his last tiny bit of faith in life. And _you will not fail him._

* * *

When the human comes, your brother is so, so tired. You can see it through his everlasting smile, hear in in every syllable he says. He's sleeping more, spending more time at Grillby's, and you're worried.

So you proclaim that you will capture this human with puzzles, and a short flash of something else shoots across his eyes, and you decide that you will do anything to see it again, to get him to show _some_ type of emotion like when he begged you to stay home before fighting the human- _{what are you talking about? He let you go with a smile and wished you good luck}_

The human escapes your shed, and you're briefly saddened. But then Sans looks at you again, and you're the picture of enthusiasm, deciding to be their friend instead. He actually laughs a little at the unexpected outburst, and you decide you're making the right choice.

The human stays at your home for a while, and after they leave, Sans is gone. Left behind is his shell, and you try everything you can, but it just doesn't work. And then you keep going, because he's _your responsibility, your little brother, and you'refailinghimhe'sgoingtofalldownyou'renotbeinggoodenough-_

Then he's back, and you couldn't be more relieved. You call the human a lot, and set up a meeting with Undyne, because with them, you can relax just a tiny bit. And then you start to worry again, and berate yourself, because _Sans needs you and you can't just leave like that-_

Suddenly you're on the surface, and the sun is so bright and the humans, there are so many, other than your friend Frisk-they're kind, and your new house is just as you imagined. You have a car and a driver's license, and Undyne still gives you cooking lessons, but the best part is seeing Sans when the stars come out. He just lies on the grass in your backyard and quietly tells you the name of every constellation, and the stories behind them. You can listen, really listen, and you think maybe now he's actually happy.

You stay with him as much as possible, because he's your brother and he's counting on you and you will not fail him, but there are times when you have to separate. Like when Undyne decides she wants to give you piano lessons, and you get in your perfect red car (Sans bought it for you, of course, he takes care of you almost as much as you take care of him) and you cruise. Her ponytail and your scarf are streaming out behind you, perfect twin ribbons of red. She's NGAH-ing at the other drivers and you're NYEH-HEH-HEH-ing at the expressions, and everything is right in the world.

Then there's screaming metal and drunk drivers and you shield your best friend with your body, and your last conscious thought is _I can't leave, I can't leave him alone,_ and suddenly

You're only aware of SOULs and a hospital bed underneath you, the beep-beep-beep of the SOUL monitor getting slower and slower, and your brother is next to you, holding your hand, and he's _crying,_ he's not supposed to cry, you have to keep him happy-

 _please don't go, don't leave me pappy, please, don't leave, please, please, i'm sorry i wasn't there, i failed you, i'm so sorry pappy, please wake up, please don't leave me alone, please pappy, i can't live without you…_

It's not true, you're struggling to talk to him, _It's not your fault don't blame yourself Sans,_ but you can feel his SOUL and you just can't wake up until you feel the change.

1/1 HP

0.9/0.9 HP

0.8/0.8 HP

0.7/0.7 HP

You panic, _no no no he's dying he's falling not you Sans, no please,_ but it doesn't work and you can't wake up and his life and yours are ticking away together, but you only care about one of them.

0.6/0.6 HP

0.5/0.5 HP

You concentrate, everything you have in one burst, and you send magic into his fragile familiar SOUL, _hang on I'm coming, don't give up._

0.5/0.5 HP

0.5/0.5 HP

0.6/0.6 HP

0.7/0.7 HP

 _i felt him i swear i felt him his magic-_

 _Sans, you're still in shock._

0.6/0.6 HP

 _No, please, it was me, don't listen to them brother, I'm right here._

But it's not working and the human doctors can't see both your HP dropping, and you need to do something, because he'll die, Sans will die if you don't-

You squeeze his hand as hard as you can, and his HP shoots up so fast, it feels like one hundred instead of just one.

* * *

Undyne tells you she wants to give you piano lessons, and you both go out to get in the car, and instead of blank space, there's Frisk holding up a brand-new keyboard, giving it to you without a word, the way they do everything. You don't know how they knew, but soon you can play Undyne's favorite song, and you play it for Sans. He claps and cheers you on, and you smile but you tell him it's the music.

Then one day when you're both in your pajamas watching one of those Surface World movies about superheroes, everything goes wrong. Your little brother lurches off the couch with his hand grabbing for his SOUL, and you don't care how late it is, you call Alphys immediately, and you start to get scared now because he's so fragile and he has one HP and that's you and did you fail him somehow? Is that what happened? Did he give up on you, and is he falling down now?

Alphys is there with her SOUL reader, and you lead her straight to your little brother, and you can't help worrying. Sans worked at least four jobs in the Underground, did he take another one up here? Did something bad happen when he visited Frisk and the Queen? The other ideas seem impossible, the only plausible thing is that you failed him, you failed Sans, he was counting on you and you let him down and now he will fall down and dust and you will be all alone.

 _G-guys! I-I've g-g-got news!_

Alphys tells you that the tug Sans felt in his SOUL _wasn't_ him losing HOPE, _wasn't_ him falling down-he's got 2 HP now. You're stunned.

 _WHO IS IT?_

You know Alphys doesn't understand, but Sans does. Sans has people-hopes, not other-hopes. Someone else has given him HOPE.

He gives you a sideways smile and shrugs.

 _tori or the kid, prob'ly._

Another moment later he ducks forwards, and there's another HP listed in his stats, irrefutable.

 _heh, guess it's both._

You're not sure whether to be jealous or relieved. The jealous part of you is very very loud- _are they as important to Sans as you are?-_ but the relieved part is bigger, much bigger. Sans isn't completely your responsibility now, he's still yours and he's still your little brother who you would do anything to keep safe, but he isn't completely on your shoulders anymore.

With some of the weight on you lifted, you swim to the top of the lake and take a breath of fresh air.

It seems you mistook everything going wrong for everything going right.

It seems like that wouldn't happen a lot, and yet it does.

* * *

Another tug comes on your birthday a few months later, and he's got 5/5 now.

 _i think that's alph and 'dyne, here._

Your perfect little brother doesn't let them stay on him, though, he brings the attention right back to you with a new shiny silver Surface Stove that he bought you as a birthday gift. He'll always take care of you, you know. Sans is the _good at finances_ one and you are the _good at stamina._ Meaning, you'll both benefit from you having youness, happiness, Papyrusness, so that's what you are.

As soon as you have a moment alone, you pull aside Toriel and Alphys and Undyne, and softly-you don't think you've ever been this quiet before-you quietly tell them that Sans is their responsibility, too, now. They nod like they understand. You know they don't.

* * *

You blink awake in your racecar bed, snow fluttering outside your window. You get out of bed quickly, walking fast to Sans' room. You hate his nightmares, probably as much as he hates them, because they mean you aren't doing your job as his big brother. They mean you're failing, and if there's one thing you _never ever_ want to do, it's fail your little brother.

He stumbles out of his room before you can go in, and the wide panicked eyes over his plastered smile makes your metaphorical heart stop. And the sharp crack his SOUL makes is mirrored by the one in your own.

But you're strong. You can handle a crack or two, but Sans only has five HP _{what are you saying, he's always had just one}_ and his SOUL is too fragile.

He topples over, his white pajama shirt a flag of surrender, but you catch him and you know your worst fears are coming to pass. His HP is trickling down and it's too late, you can't do anything but hug his small body close to you and try not to cry.

He's talking, pleading, and it hurts you to listen, but you do anyway, because Sans needs you to, and you need him.

 _pappy-it hurts-i don't wanna go, pappy-please-i can't go, i can't leave you...who's gonna take care of you when i go?_

You swallow down your desperate sobs and weeping, and you rock your now HOPEless brother gently and tell him everything will be all right, that you'll be okay- _you won't be, you'll be shattered, please please don't go-_ and eventually it looks like he's sleeping, but you know he's Fallen. Then he's just slipping through your fingers, only dust and ashes, the only substantial part of him his much-too-big blue hoodie.

You gather him very carefully in your scarf, the scarf he made, and you pour him in a jar and arrange both your scarf and his hoodie around him. Then you sit down on the couch that you always watched movies on _{the only movie you've ever seen is Jaws, and you watched it at Alphys' lab}_ and wonder if this is what Sans felt like when you were hit by a car _{you've never seen a car in your life}._ And you cry.

Later, you find yourself at your sentry station that your brother helped you build. If you _failed_ and _betrayed_ and _let him down,_ you have to at least avoid doing that to the people of Snowdin. (If you can't help everyone, help everyone you can, he taught you that)

It's the worst day possible to find a human, and you think they know something is wrong, but you can't bring yourself to care. Because _he's_ gone, _Sans is dead,_ and nothing has any meaning anymore.

You know you could swim if you tried, but you're still drowning.

At the crossword _{what? It's just an empty clearing},_ the human tugs at your hand and asks what's wrong. Impossibly quiet, quieter than the quietest you have been, _{but wait, haven't you never before spoken softer than a shout?}_ you tell them your brother fell down that morning.

It hurts more than you thought to say it out loud.

Their expression is the one of horror and they reach out to something you can't see-

* * *

You blink awake in your racecar bed, snow fluttering outside your window. You get out of bed quickly, walking fast to Sans' room. You hate his nightmares, probably as much as he hates them, because they mean you aren't doing your job as his big brother. They mean you're failing, and if there's one thing you _never ever_ want to do, it's fail your little brother.

He stumbles out of his room before you can go in, and the wide relieved-ness of his eye sockets catches you by surprise. He launches himself at you and you fall down to your knees together. He sobs out apologies that make no sense, crying so hard he shakes you both.

 _i'm sorry, i'm so sorry pappy, i didn't want to, i'm so sorry._

It makes you flinch, what nightmare could do this?, but you do your job as his big brother and soothe him as best you can.

 _IT'S OKAY, I DON'T BLAME YOU, IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT, IT'S OKAY._

You aren't sure where those words are from, but they do the job. He sniffs and looks up at you with hope unfurling like a golden flower, present in his eyes.

 _do you remember?_

You can't say yes, but you can't say no. Would that shake his faith in you? Would that make him Fall Down? No, you can't risk it, you just can't, it was bad enough the first time _{how could there be a first time, he's here now isn't he}-_

But you will never lie to Sans.

You shake your head.

The hope is shattered, but what comes next makes it okay. He gives you a smile, and it's sad and small but _real,_ there are regrets thinly veiled behind it, and it's sorrowful and grieving and longing and rueful, but it's a _real, sincere smile,_ and that's good enough.

 _that's okay._

You think maybe your brother's way-too-powerful magic is reacting to the feeling in both your SOULs, because his left eye blazes blue and the whole image of him is somehow haunting and the most wonderful thing you've ever seen. You store that smile in your SOUL and swear to yourself you'll never forget.

Your brother's SOUL floats out in front of him and he looks up at you.

Then he says what you've known since Sans was six, fifteen years ago _{what are you talking about, Sans is only nineteen}_ when his HP dropped to one.

 _pap, you know my one HOPE...you know it's you, right?_

And then you tell him what you've been waiting to say.

 _OF COURSE, BROTHER. AND YOU'RE MINE._

 _but pap, you've got like a thousand hp._

 _YES, SANS. THAT IS WHAT I MEANT._

* * *

Sans must have some great timing, because he uses a shortcut to get to his sentry station before you, and while you're running up, you hear the _thump_ of someone falling to their knees in the snow, and a sob-relief, perhaps, but more likely grief or horror. You speed up, panic filling your SOUL-something's happened-Sans is dying-

No, he's fine, in fact he's leading a human with him. The human is covered in snow, and their eyes are suspiciously red and there are tear tracks down their cheeks. You decide they probably fell somewhere and it's not important.

The human- _Frisk-_ brings you all to the surface again _{what do you mean, again?}_ and you're so happy, you're running down the mountain in the twilight _{how exactly do you know what it's called?}_ to meet the humans, and that's okay, because your brother is behind you and he's _safe._

* * *

You blink awake in your racecar bed, snow fluttering outside your window. You get out of bed quickly, walking fast to Sans' room. You hate his nightmares, probably as much as he hates them, because they mean you aren't doing your job as his big brother. They mean you're failing, and if there's one thing you _never ever_ want to do, it's fail your little brother.

The morning is normal, you make spaghetti and you worry about everything. Sans assures you he's all right and for once you go to your sentry stations on time, but you can't help worrying because _you're his one HP and if he dies it's your fault-_

He's looking at you expectantly, and you realize he said a pun. Resisting the urge to yell, you tell one of your own. It's worth the irritation to see the pure surprise and bright smile, to hear his bubbling laughter once again. You love it when Sans laughs, truly laughs. He doesn't do it much anymore, and you can just barely remember the last time he smiled so sincerely-

Then there's a human in front of you, their eyes are red and there's a strip of dusty metal in their hand. They slash it to your neck.

He's in front of you, the knife stabbing through his too-fragile SOUL, breaking him into dust before he can get out your name.

 _papy-_

You stare in shock and horror- _not again, not again {again?} not again-_ until the knife cuts deep into your vertebrae. You welcome it.

You blink awake in your racecar bed, snow fluttering outside your window.

Somehow deep in your mind, the faint, disconnected memory of a smile flickers and disappears.

* * *

 **...**


End file.
